Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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