Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
