I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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