I wish my penis had an off switch
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
