I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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