call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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