Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
