Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
