I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
