i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My bed smells like the plague
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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