I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
