I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
