Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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