I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
