seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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