There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
