She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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