i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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