I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
