half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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