So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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