Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
