i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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