Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
