things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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