Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
