Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
