I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
