I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
