apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
40s are totally the cure
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
God, I missed his penis.
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