I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
