he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
