Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So many bounce houses so little time
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
