your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
