you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
