sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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