i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
