You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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