My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
