Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
