Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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