Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
