Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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