Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
