Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
