oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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