32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
