if you like me you must not know who I am
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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