I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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