We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
