dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
