1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
