its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
