You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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