I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
